Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
