You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
