i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
