The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
