I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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