my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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