just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
