I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
