My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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