you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
