He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
