He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
