sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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