Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
