I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
