I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
