Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This is the high leading the old right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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