It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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