theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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