The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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