I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
