the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
