idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
