i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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