he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
