Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
