All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
