i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
