Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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