bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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