Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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