My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
