dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
