singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
