Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize