I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
