Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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