So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
