the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
