it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
