You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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