The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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