i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
