THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
