I think i peed on brittanys purse
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
