New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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