she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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