I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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