bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize