Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
