i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize