Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They have beer where we have blood.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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