You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
