my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
