Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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