i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
