After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
