I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
