I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
