The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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