You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
