And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
