couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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