I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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