Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
