We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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