you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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