we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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