Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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