I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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