piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize