You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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