everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dicks are not precious.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize