i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
