as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
