i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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