Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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