It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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