I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
