Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
