im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
