i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
PANTIES FOUND
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