You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
