he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He kissed a someone with a penis
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
