So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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