fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
