Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
