It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
