Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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