If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
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