my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
