Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
