watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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