I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
