Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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