Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He has the fingertips of a God
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