Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

her vagine was all disorganized.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.

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(614): View more from Ohio

The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray

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(919): View more from North Carolina

anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi

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(407): View more from Florida

Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.

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(813): View more from Florida

We shouldn"t be alone together

(606): View more from Kentucky

you didn"t say that yesterday

(813): View more from Florida

you weren't married yesterday

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(530): View more from California

I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.

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